Messages

121

Non-Music Shit / Re: Olympics 2010 Thread

« on: August 07, 2016, 04:48:00 PM »

Guide to 2004 Athens Olympics.


--by Thanasis Gunston.

Join Olympic Spirit on this day in 2004!


Marijuana Growing Race.

No gold medals today.












Olympic Ski Jump "Game of Chicken".

Mano e mano and crash!












Olympic Diving.

Chair is for judge.

10 out of 10!












Greek Ski Slalom. Grates to drain excess snow. Olympics is grate.


















Olympic Rodeo. No bulls today. Economy is bad. Try again tomorrow.












Gymnastic. Can you land on feet? Are you athlete? FUCKING JUMP NOW!












Shot Putt event. You pick up brick and you throw.


















New Olympic Event.

"White Manhole Hunt".

"I see it! I see it there in foreground! Gold medal please."

122

Non-Music Shit / Re: Daily Mainichi News Wire

« on: August 07, 2016, 02:33:07 PM »

Hillary Clinton advised to "pick a target, any target."

--New York Times--

Hillary Clinton has been advised by her campaign managers that the "first key task" of her presidency, is to "pick a target, any target, towelheads, ragheads, we don't give a shit who, then we march in and we bomb the living fuck out of them, bomb their shit halfway around the Cape of Good Cock and back."


<<insert political descriptor here>>

The aptly named "Jeremy Bash", who served as chief of staff for the Pentagon and the Central Intelligence Agency, said "if this multi-billion dollar war machine doesnt get wheeled out of the hangar 83,000 times a day then the whole military death machine atrophies, probably taking the US economy down with it since every 3rd bastard in the US workforce now depends on the military for their livelihood. There's good money to be made in death so pick a baddie, any baddie, they hate us anyway, so what if they hate us just that bit more after we drone strike their collective dicks 17 ways of sideways. They're the baddies, we're always the goodies. Haven't you cunts seen the fuckin movies?"

123

New Releases For Sale/Distro Updates / Re: Neck Chop Records - Online Store/Label

« on: August 06, 2016, 10:42:33 PM »

I'd love to have my own brick and mortar store but can't support that type of overhead at this point.

done that in nZ, moved on since but wft it?s a hard bug to shake. was close to renting another one here in japenn a coupla years ago. Grand plan was to load up all my part-time gigs into 2 hectic days and spend the other 5 sitting on my arse blasting tunes. Oh yeah. Then I remembered that even though it sounds like everyone?s dream job, its kind of boring as hell. yes you can crank the stereo to hades and back but by about 2pm, having blasted it to shit for 4 hours straight, you just cry no mas. Plus, you?re sort of stuck there. Jesus, have you even sold anythign today? Fun, yes, but some days wouldve made more $$ manning the till at 7-11.  My last place ended up a fuckin boutique as t-shirts were generating all the damn income. My gorgeous Japan/NZ noise section didn?t sell a single fuckin thing.

Hows the cheapo rent in jesusland? apropos of nothing heres the place I was close to signing up for last year. Tiny as hell, fine by me, US$350 a month, easily affordable but basically got cold feet when faced with the prospect of not knowing the market for new shit (no store in this town has anything past late 90?s) + sitting there all day when could sit at home having a massive tug in me gruds while simultaneously selling on zero-overheads discogs

124

New Releases For Sale/Distro Updates / Re: Neck Chop Records - Online Store/Label

« on: August 06, 2016, 05:08:06 PM »

out of touch with all this new shit but enthusiasm for a new project, can't be beat, forgive my dumbarse for asking though but why not just sell on discogs and reach a zillion more cunts? Surely web shop has fees higher than discogs? Would be fun to try similar thing here in japenn for doom shit but wft isn?t everyone on discogs anyway? Those Melvins/Black Sabbath lp?s look slick, guessing the intl postage rates would be prohibitively expensive to Japan?

125

Non-Music Shit / Olympics

« on: August 06, 2016, 03:48:39 PM »

Coxless 4 Synchronized Pith Helmet Water Polo.

This comically crap event from the 1970's involved teams of 4 biffing a helmet around in a swimming pool and soon became infamous for:

* drownings.
* scoreless draws.
* wet helmets.
* drowned helmets.
* accusations of aquatic colonial exploitation.
 
The event was hurriedly phased out of the Olympics altogether once the popular British sitcom "It Ain't Half Hot Mum" went off the air.

126

Non-Music Shit / Re: Olympics 2010 Thread

« on: August 06, 2016, 03:41:33 PM »

Mixed-Doubles Poodle Shearing. (1952-1956.)

This was another basic enough event.
One pair of shears, 4 hands on the
shears at all times or it's instant
disqualification. Teamwork was
of the essence. Killing the dog
was frowned upon.


"Oh shit."

127

Non-Music Shit / Re: Daily Mainichi News Wire

« on: August 06, 2016, 03:10:21 PM »

Local Bloke jailed for depleting 8% of earth's ozone layer

--SMH--

A local bloke has been incarcerated for depleting 8% of the entire planet's ozone layer with his hairspray.

"He has enough hairspray in there to send the Hindenburg to fucking Mars and back" stated Judge Gunston in his closing statements. "His name is Gene-o Monaro. He stands 6"8 and plays A-grade club rugby on the weekends. But that's beside the point right now. What is more concerning is he has enough fluorocarbons in his hair to cause a polar bears pubes to burst into flames from 800,000 miles away."


Gene-o Monaro: 6"8 rugby player with exploded pubes.

"I added 10 more years to the guilty parties sentence for the crime of entering my courtroom wearing a comically small jacket tied nonsensically around his waist, an item of clothing that will obviously never fit over the top of the big thick jacket he is already wearing."


"10 more years!"

"As for the hairspray, when the plaintiff entered my courtroom, my thick swatch of dashing hair was greying in a distinguished manner" said the Judge. "By the time he left, my skull looked like the Amazonian rainforest had been shot through the flames of Satan's arsepuck halfway to fucking Hades."


"57 more years!"

128

Non-Music Shit / Re: free band names

« on: July 17, 2016, 11:12:10 PM »

PARANOID FUNERAL (it is doom metal band)

129

Non-Music Shit / Re: Donald Trump keeps his Bibles "at a certain place."

« on: July 15, 2016, 04:39:17 PM »

Trump selects hologram as running mate.

--AP Press--

Divisive U.S billionaire presidential candidate Donald Trump has today selected a computer-generated hologram as his presidential campaign running mate. The hologram's name is Ken. "He's like a Ken doll for old people" explained Trump.

A spokesman for the lab responsible for the 3-D creation of Ken proudly concluded that "this is the perfect computer-appropriated composite of a conservative right-wing politician. Pure data."


"Can you see him? What are you, blind? Of course you can
see him, he's right there standing next to me."

"He'll be perfect" beamed Trump. "Ken is automatically on board with all policy decisions. No answering back. Pure unwavering loyalty. Plus he hates the homosexuals."


"<<KIIIILLLL HOMOOOOZZ>>"

130

Non-Music Shit / Re: shitty writing that you do

« on: July 06, 2016, 06:08:13 PM »

http://expatpress.com/forums/index.php

haha, no wonder no cunts signed up for the forum, the fuckin rego question, I've tried every fuckkin combination of Robert Chambers and Rene daumal under the sun and still cant fuckin get in.

reminiscent of manwithtwodicks stunt a few forii back where his registration question was "Who won WWII?"

A: the allies.

no cunt got it

131

Music Shit / Re: Naked Raygun

« on: July 06, 2016, 02:14:17 PM »

NOFX, Screeching Weasel

You mean to tell me some despicable people derive enjoyment from a style of music not entirely championed by this 23-man website?

Disgraceful.

How dare they.

I hate them.

How dare they pursue happiness.

I hate it when people different to me are happy.

They disgust me.

This will not stand.

132

Non-Music Shit / Re: What tv show are you watching and what do you have to say about it ..pt 2

« on: June 08, 2016, 01:40:24 PM »

my hot sexy take:
"Veep": lasted 3 minutes with that shit. Get the fuck off
"Silicon Valley": fucking awesome 1st season. 2nd season way less laughs but still watching so something's working

133

Non-Music Shit / Re: Daily Mainichi News Wire

« on: June 03, 2016, 04:31:26 AM »

Local woman purchases reading glasses.

--NZ Herald--

A local woman has purchased a pair of reading glasses. "I was finding myself going a wee bit cross-eyed just lately" said the woman. "No idea why."


The local woman, seen here sporting her brand-new reading glasses.

"Anyway, these stylish black-framed reading glasses should help me focus more on my casual reading" continued the local woman. "I like to read things such as the new Woman's Weekly and Derridian meta-texts on post deconstructionism. Hot air ballooning adventures? No, I have never read of such adventures. Why would you suggest a random topic such as that? Illustrated histories of Zeppelins? Another random suggestion that I really do fail to see the point of. Big Jugs Weekly? I'm sorry, but I have little interest in kitchenware periodicals. Well, anyway, how about we finish up with the interview there as I really do need to sit down to give my fucking huge tits a rest."

134

Non-Music Shit / Re: Donald Trump keeps his Bibles "at a certain place."

« on: May 26, 2016, 02:11:12 PM »

135

Non-Music Shit / Re: Daily Mainichi News Wire

« on: May 26, 2016, 02:14:24 AM »

seems like an established pattern in japan that following these sanctimonious clampdown stories...
http://www.japantoday.com/category/crime/view/panel-calls-for-penalties-for-dating-services-using-schoolgirls
the very next week the same coppers are busted for... partaking in the dating services

so what they're really thinking is...

Japanese police panel calls for incentives to use schoolgirl dating services.

--TOKYO--

A panel set up by Tokyo police has today called for the loosening of regulations on dating services offered by teenage schoolgirls. "We want to include rooting incentives" said Police Chief Manabu Sato. "Maybe a stamp card or some shit. The aim is to get more roots for the local constables as well as getting the girls some cash with which they could then purchase, say, a new fuckin handbag."


"Stamp rally up and
down my bumcrack!"
--Chief Sato.

"Japan's teenage schoolgirls have long drawn international admiration", said Maude Buquicchio, a U.N. special pornographer, Furthermore, Buquicchio has urged her police contacts in Japan to "please send me some grot mags full of glossy full-colour gash shots."


"Gizza fuckin' look."
--Maude.

Chief Sato went on to say "we are doing Japan's shitty economy a favour by stimulating spending that is literally stimulating to the cock. The cock is spent and so is the money. Happy, Abe?"


"My economic stimulus package is a hands-on solution."
--Chief Sato.

"The question we need to ask the children of today is would they rather work part time at 7-11 for 600 yen an hour or get 6,000 yen for that same hour just by lolling around in their gruds while Officer Donut, clad in a gimp mask and fuck-all else, has a wild-eyed flog in the corner then throws handfuls of cash at them? It's a fuckin' no-brainer from the vantage point of my dick. Anyway, gotta go now, I'm booked in for a 3pm sesh with a 3rd grade dominatrix, a recently-deceased octopus and a high-powered vacuum cleaner."


"Dyson Happy Set? Yippee!"