Home
Help
Search
Login
Register
361
Show Posts
This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.
362
Non-Music Shit / Re: Daily Mainichi News Wire
« on: January 16, 2012, 04:14:16 PM »
Local man shatters land-speed record in crappy ute.
--AP Press--
Local man, Mr T. Gunston of Woolongong, has shattered the Trans-Australia land speed record by
driving from Perth to Sydney in a shade under 28 minutes.
"I can't believe that stupid-looking bogan cuntface is
driving that crappy old ute at 680 mph."
"I started out fast mate and once I hit the Great Sandy Desert she was all on" said Mr T. Gunston.
"I reckon I was hydroplaning it at one stage there. Whatever the fuck that means."
The previous record for the crossing stood at 37 days.
"I didn't hit any abo's, if that's why you're looking at me all funny ya fuckin' dick" continued Mr Gunston.
"I may have even given a few of them a lift. At least for a few hundred metres. Before they fell off."
Mr T. Gunston, seen below in Sydney attempting to park his car
despite having no previous experience with such a manoeuvre before.
"Fuckin' trickier than it looks!"
- Mr T. Gunston of Woolongong-upon-Perth.
--AP Press--
Local man, Mr T. Gunston of Woolongong, has shattered the Trans-Australia land speed record by
driving from Perth to Sydney in a shade under 28 minutes.
"I can't believe that stupid-looking bogan cuntface is
driving that crappy old ute at 680 mph."
"I started out fast mate and once I hit the Great Sandy Desert she was all on" said Mr T. Gunston.
"I reckon I was hydroplaning it at one stage there. Whatever the fuck that means."
The previous record for the crossing stood at 37 days.
"I didn't hit any abo's, if that's why you're looking at me all funny ya fuckin' dick" continued Mr Gunston.
"I may have even given a few of them a lift. At least for a few hundred metres. Before they fell off."
Mr T. Gunston, seen below in Sydney attempting to park his car
despite having no previous experience with such a manoeuvre before.
"Fuckin' trickier than it looks!"
- Mr T. Gunston of Woolongong-upon-Perth.
364
Non-Music Shit / Re: XVIIth Terminally-Bored Ratshit Dogsbollox Art Exhibition
« on: January 14, 2012, 11:15:29 PM »
365
Non-Music Shit / Re: Daily Mainichi News Wire
« on: January 11, 2012, 04:38:28 AM »
Shadow PM sleeps right through own court trial.
--Japan Today--
After being accused of nicking 400 million yen, the shadow Prime Minister of Japan,
The Rt Hon. Mr Eicchi Ozawa, today slept right the fuck through his own court trial.
"400 million yen's missing? Well, why the FUCK did you
wake me up for that? Wake me up when it's a decent number!
By the way, whoever you are, you are fucking fired."
Ozawa is accused of not reporting 400 million yen missing from inside the big fucking walk-in
doorless vault in his office, the one that is clearly labeled "Extortion & Embezzlement Daily Sundries".
"I have been concentrating on politics, you stupid cunts" continued the shadow kingpin. "I can't
count the money in the vault AND the money buried in my backyard AND concentrate on politics
at the same time. Division of labour, you fucking idiots! Keynesian!
--Japan Today--
After being accused of nicking 400 million yen, the shadow Prime Minister of Japan,
The Rt Hon. Mr Eicchi Ozawa, today slept right the fuck through his own court trial.
"400 million yen's missing? Well, why the FUCK did you
wake me up for that? Wake me up when it's a decent number!
By the way, whoever you are, you are fucking fired."
Ozawa is accused of not reporting 400 million yen missing from inside the big fucking walk-in
doorless vault in his office, the one that is clearly labeled "Extortion & Embezzlement Daily Sundries".
"I have been concentrating on politics, you stupid cunts" continued the shadow kingpin. "I can't
count the money in the vault AND the money buried in my backyard AND concentrate on politics
at the same time. Division of labour, you fucking idiots! Keynesian!
366
Non-Music Shit / Re: THE WAR
« on: January 08, 2012, 04:21:19 AM »Masahiro Sato's Guide to War Memorials of Obihiro
Harlo.
My name is Masahiro Sato.
It is Guide to War Memorials of Obihiro.
Japan worker today can only dream of heroic death on plains of Obihiro.
A chinaman facial hello to the bayonet here, a small child rape behind a pond there.
Obihiro Plain. It is pastoral scene to close eyes and recline into idyllic
daydream centred around the stabbing of chinamans faces off.
It is War Memorial.
It is bittersweet for we Japanese to remember The War.
Bitter, because we Japanese lost.
Sweet, because there was death.
Today, the Obihiro Plain is fertile.
Some say it is thanks to human fertilizer of Chinese skulls.
Those days are over. Chinese skulls have long since leached
down, through soil, and through bedrock, and into hell.
Tank tracks show area is untouched since Japanese Panzer Division marched through in 1948
to run down and polish off last slowly-limping Chinese rickshaw coolie I mean militant insurgent.
Obihiro Unit 731 Chinese Research Centre is mound in centre. At night
it was boredom so researchers set captive Chinamen free and watch
elated chingchong flee into next-door forest and run comically face-first
into many trees. It was night and Chinamen were all permanently blind
after acid eyewash experiments all day.
It is funny if you laugh.
Gahh, fucking Prius, move those trees, I'm going t
From left-to-right "Blood", "Bone" and "Dick".
My House:
No windows? A working chimney? Ice daggers?
Next slide please.
Inside Obihiro's Unit 731 Chinaman Rectal Probe Anal Expansion Division.
Yes, still looks exactly the same as it did on its last day of operation...
...August the 8th, 1982.
Dung-stained turnips, retrieved from the arses of screaming Chinaman.
Yes, these are last sturdy remnants of proud Japan warrior spirit.
And now the rich chinaman tourist come, with their skulls still attached to their brains, to see a stupid fucking turnip.
WFT.
And now, in cruel and vicious irony, we proud Japanese warriors work, work like
chinese black dog slaves, to polish turnip, polish a each fucking turnip, one by one,
one fucking sorry sad fuckign turnip at a time, in tearful, frozen-cock, no money, dead
economy slave labour camp condition, for resale to fuckking Chinaman tourist.
Harlo.
My name is Masahiro Sato.
It is Guide to War Memorials of Obihiro.
Japan worker today can only dream of heroic death on plains of Obihiro.
A chinaman facial hello to the bayonet here, a small child rape behind a pond there.
Obihiro Plain. It is pastoral scene to close eyes and recline into idyllic
daydream centred around the stabbing of chinamans faces off.
It is War Memorial.
It is bittersweet for we Japanese to remember The War.
Bitter, because we Japanese lost.
Sweet, because there was death.
Today, the Obihiro Plain is fertile.
Some say it is thanks to human fertilizer of Chinese skulls.
Those days are over. Chinese skulls have long since leached
down, through soil, and through bedrock, and into hell.
Tank tracks show area is untouched since Japanese Panzer Division marched through in 1948
to run down and polish off last slowly-limping Chinese rickshaw coolie I mean militant insurgent.
Obihiro Unit 731 Chinese Research Centre is mound in centre. At night
it was boredom so researchers set captive Chinamen free and watch
elated chingchong flee into next-door forest and run comically face-first
into many trees. It was night and Chinamen were all permanently blind
after acid eyewash experiments all day.
It is funny if you laugh.
Gahh, fucking Prius, move those trees, I'm going t
From left-to-right "Blood", "Bone" and "Dick".
My House:
No windows? A working chimney? Ice daggers?
Next slide please.
Inside Obihiro's Unit 731 Chinaman Rectal Probe Anal Expansion Division.
Yes, still looks exactly the same as it did on its last day of operation...
...August the 8th, 1982.
Dung-stained turnips, retrieved from the arses of screaming Chinaman.
Yes, these are last sturdy remnants of proud Japan warrior spirit.
And now the rich chinaman tourist come, with their skulls still attached to their brains, to see a stupid fucking turnip.
WFT.
And now, in cruel and vicious irony, we proud Japanese warriors work, work like
chinese black dog slaves, to polish turnip, polish a each fucking turnip, one by one,
one fucking sorry sad fuckign turnip at a time, in tearful, frozen-cock, no money, dead
economy slave labour camp condition, for resale to fuckking Chinaman tourist.
367
Non-Music Shit / Re: Daily Mainichi News Wire
« on: January 01, 2012, 10:48:06 PM »
"Silent camera apps good news for wanking industry." - Japanese police.
--Yomiuri Shimbun
TOKYO -- Cases of smartphone users secretly photographing unsuspecting targets have been on the rise, thanks to police. "We developed these smartphone applications that silence the camera shutter sound" said Chief Constable Tomonori Sato, pictured below.
"Silence is Golden."
-Chief Constable Tomonori Sato.
"Of course, the blame lies with people who misuse these applications rather than the programs themselves" said Sato as he rummaged one-handed through his drawers while his other hand stayed on his computer mouse.
"According to Japan's National Police Agency, 8,121,741 cases of illicit photography were reported in Japan last year, a 16-fold increase from 2006" continued Sato. "We're proud of those numbers. A lot of reports filed and a lot of pictures taken."
"The largest number were reported right here in Kanagawa Prefecture. About 30 percent of cases involved the misuse of smartphone apps," said Sato. "I know because I counted all the pictures one-by-one. In fact, all the pics came from constables stationed at this police station. Actually, that saved us some time. It means we don't have to make second copies of the photos to keep on file in our filing cabinets which are all bursting at the seams and are slightly sticky from man-spooge. In fact, we're going to publish the pictures in a coffee table book. Tastefully done, of course. The proceeds will go to charity. Police charity. More surveillance cameras, I'm afraid. Crime is on the increase."
--Yomiuri Shimbun
TOKYO -- Cases of smartphone users secretly photographing unsuspecting targets have been on the rise, thanks to police. "We developed these smartphone applications that silence the camera shutter sound" said Chief Constable Tomonori Sato, pictured below.
"Silence is Golden."
-Chief Constable Tomonori Sato.
"Of course, the blame lies with people who misuse these applications rather than the programs themselves" said Sato as he rummaged one-handed through his drawers while his other hand stayed on his computer mouse.
"According to Japan's National Police Agency, 8,121,741 cases of illicit photography were reported in Japan last year, a 16-fold increase from 2006" continued Sato. "We're proud of those numbers. A lot of reports filed and a lot of pictures taken."
"The largest number were reported right here in Kanagawa Prefecture. About 30 percent of cases involved the misuse of smartphone apps," said Sato. "I know because I counted all the pictures one-by-one. In fact, all the pics came from constables stationed at this police station. Actually, that saved us some time. It means we don't have to make second copies of the photos to keep on file in our filing cabinets which are all bursting at the seams and are slightly sticky from man-spooge. In fact, we're going to publish the pictures in a coffee table book. Tastefully done, of course. The proceeds will go to charity. Police charity. More surveillance cameras, I'm afraid. Crime is on the increase."
368
Non-Music Shit / Re: XVIIth Terminally-Bored Ratshit Dogsbollox Art Exhibition
« on: December 27, 2011, 04:52:12 PM »
370
Non-Music Shit / Re: Web Log of "Tina"
« on: December 23, 2011, 11:01:41 PM »
Dear Web Log
Today my fuckhead husband took a whole weeks worth of meds in one go and then ran off "to the beach."
He is a fucking boofhead at times.
At all times.
More later.
Today my fuckhead husband took a whole weeks worth of meds in one go and then ran off "to the beach."
He is a fucking boofhead at times.
At all times.
More later.
371
Non-Music Shit / Re: XVIIth Terminally-Bored Ratshit Dogsbollox Art Exhibition
« on: December 23, 2011, 03:42:15 PM »
373
Non-Music Shit / Re: Ebay annoyance
« on: December 22, 2011, 03:39:31 PM »
FROM HERE IN JAPAIN THIS HAPPENS TO ME EVERY FUCKIGN DAY BUT ONYL WITH CUNTS FROM 1 COUNTRY, THAT BEING JESUSLAND, THE USS OF A.
FROGOLIANS, THE HUN, THE POMS, THE CUNTS, THE PERUVIAN DOGFUCKERS, THEY ALL WAIT FOR A FUCKIGN INVOICE. NOT THE THICKY SEPPOS WHO CANNOT READ THE ITEM DESCRIPTION CLEARLY SAYING, IN BIG FUCKIGN ENGLISH WORDS, "DONT SEND ME 4 BUCKS YOU STUPID SEPPO CUNT, IT COSTS ME 12 BUCKS TO SEND THE FUCKIGN RECORD FROM HERE IN JAPAN TO YOU IN SEPPOSTAN."
10 seconds later and its "HERE'S 4 BUCKS FOREIGN CUNT , HURRY UP WITH MY 3XLP SHIPPED VIA CONCORDE DIRECTLY TO MY FUCKIGN HOUSE RIGHT HEJRE IN JESUSLAND."
FROGOLIANS, THE HUN, THE POMS, THE CUNTS, THE PERUVIAN DOGFUCKERS, THEY ALL WAIT FOR A FUCKIGN INVOICE. NOT THE THICKY SEPPOS WHO CANNOT READ THE ITEM DESCRIPTION CLEARLY SAYING, IN BIG FUCKIGN ENGLISH WORDS, "DONT SEND ME 4 BUCKS YOU STUPID SEPPO CUNT, IT COSTS ME 12 BUCKS TO SEND THE FUCKIGN RECORD FROM HERE IN JAPAN TO YOU IN SEPPOSTAN."
10 seconds later and its "HERE'S 4 BUCKS FOREIGN CUNT , HURRY UP WITH MY 3XLP SHIPPED VIA CONCORDE DIRECTLY TO MY FUCKIGN HOUSE RIGHT HEJRE IN JESUSLAND."
375
Non-Music Shit / Re: Caption Contest, Round II
« on: December 19, 2011, 02:42:57 PM »
"Old army cunt confused by stupidly-long walking stick."
