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« on: February 16, 2012, 01:06:47 AM »
This one time in 2nd grade I went into the can at lunchtime to take a whiz and there was a fresh turd right in the middle of the floor near the row of sinks. There were a few older kids in there laughing about it, I just took a leak and got outta there quick.
The next day an announcement came over the p.a.: "Anyone who used the boys' washroom during lunchtime yesterday please come to the principal's office right away". I don't know what made me go, childish obedience I guess. Our principal was a 350+ pound Welsh woman named Ms. Folkes who smelled like she smoked 4 packs a day, wore a mumu, and yelled a lot. There were about 6 kids in there besides me, including a couple of the 7th graders I recognized from the day before. Her office was tiny and the smell was intense. After a few minutes Ms. Folkes waddled in, shutting the door behind her. It was pretty crowded and we were about a foot away from her huge head.
"Well I'm sure you all know why I called you all in here", she says in her thick accent.
Total silence.
"SOMEBODY POOPED ON THE FLOOR!!!"
Everybody's shoulders start shaking and a few chortles slip out, but this is obviously serious business. And she is fuckin scary.
"AND IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!"
Don't remember too many details after that, but it turned out the culprit was this hyperactive 2nd grader Davey Rosselin (not present at the closed-door meeting, someone ratted). His mom dressed him like a cowboy everyday in kindergarden, and he whipped his dick out and chased girls around with it for show-and-tell more than a few times. Wonder whatever happened to him.
I've also seen/heard some hideous things in massive truck-stop bathrooms along the I-5 whilst on tour, sometimes there's like 30 truckers unloading all at the same time and it ain't pretty. Crazy how you get desensitized after a while, though, once someone had smeared shit all over the 30 foot long mirror in one of those places and I was just like "wow that's bored" while washing my hands.
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