Roommates

[SteveBeat]

Let's post about funny roommates you have/had:

Mopes
----------
* Way too into 50's rock n' roll/rockabilly/Tom Petty
* Had creepy Sleepy Hollow-esque goblets for drinking glasses
* Ate one vegetable the whole year I lived there
* Caught HPV from cheating GF and told me to stay away from his towels - YIKES
* Never cooked, ate Taco Bell/BK nearly every night
* Owned crappy movies/DVD's like first three seasons of Family Guy
* Had decorated the apartment to look like a crappy West Mifflin Tim Burton nightmare
* Hung a stuffed bat from the living room ceiling
* Would jam on his guitar playing "Loudmouth" by Ramones poorly and dreaming of starting a band
* The one time my sis heard him having sex in the next room, she heard him say very flatly "I'm   
   cumming."  Just like that.
* Never cleaned, but didn't do enough to merit any wear and tear on the place

On the plus side, we did have a jukebox with our 45's in it and I could have all the loud wall-pounding sex I wanted with my GF at the time and bum him out because I'm kind of a dick like that.

[Vince Clortho Keymaster of Gozac]

One previous roommate would play Ozzy's "Goodbye to Romance" (easily his worst song and anyone who likes it is a total pussy and probably should be stripped of their copy of Volume 4 immediately...but that's neither here nor there) on repeat whenever some shithead she met at the bar and fucked for a few days or weeks inevitably--and it was ALWAYS inevitable and they were ALWAYS shitheads-- would sever ties.

Kind of a roommate story....
Another dated the guy who owned the He'brew Beer Brewing Co. He was the guy who came up with the idea to get generic shit tasting beer and slap a kitschy label on it and whore it around to specialty shops and beer-snob bars that would jack the price up on what was essentially the swill left at the bottom of a vat of a particularly foul batch of Sam Adams Light. After the first Livefastdie tour I came home a little worse for the wear after driving home overnight straight from Chapel Hill and wanted to get a good 6 - 8 before even attempting to do anything or talk to anybody. So I was dismayed as you all can imagine that this fucker had moved into my room in the week or so I was gone and set up shop with his whole business, his computer, had his laundry drying and hanging off my record shelf, shit all over the place, clothes and books and shit beer all over my bed where I planned to sleep...you know that kinda stuff.

Regardless, it was an ugly scene when he came home to find me pitching his stuff out the door and at the brick wall in the living room but he wisely chose not to mention a word about it ever again. I think he dumped that dingy broad that was my roommate a short time later.

[doctordenim]

Never had a roommate, but my friend who lives in Gainesville had a roommate who had several guitars laying around the apartment, but he would only play blackbird, and not even perfectly. I didn't believe it until I went to visit and the kid started playing blackbird. And then all he did besides that was get high and sleep with his sleazy girlfriend. He went there for school but ended up dropping out of all his classes and just getting high. My friend eventually moved out with other people and the kid remained in the apartment for a couple of months with the rest of the lease. The last month we visited the apartment and it smelled like fungus, and there wasn't anything inside the place but mattresses and trash. The kid was in his room getting high.

[ADM]

* Caught HPV from cheating GF and told me to stay away from his towels - YIKES

Very rare this actually causes disease in men.  Could carry it without even knowing, but it goes away.  How would he know he got it?  For all I know, there is no test for HPV in men.  Point is: No Big Deal for mens.

[science]

I had a roommate (and he was a really nice guy and a pretty good roommate, actually) who spent the majority of his time in our shared room really really stoned listening to blasting pink floyd (not too uncommon at college) eating jalapenos from an ENORMOUS jar of jalapenos he had stolen from his work-study job at the cafeteria.  Every couple of weeks, he'd come home with this jar of hundreds and hundreds of jalapenos soaking in brine and then just sit on his bed, music full volume, eating one after another.

[SteveBeat]

* Caught HPV from cheating GF and told me to stay away from his towels - YIKES

Very rare this actually causes disease in men.  Could carry it without even knowing, but it goes away.  How would he know he got it?  For all I know, there is no test for HPV in men.  Point is: No Big Deal for mens.

Some strains cause genital warts, but I didn't want to fully put dude's business out in the street.  TOO LATE NOW.

[Mrs. Smith]

Hey Dave Martin.....ssshhh!

[SteveBeat]

POST SQUIRRREL HILL PITTSBURGH OLD GUY STORIES

[i350125]

if i lived with any of these people it would result in a homocide or a suicide
but they all sound rad

[ADM]

* Caught HPV from cheating GF and told me to stay away from his towels - YIKES

Very rare this actually causes disease in men.  Could carry it without even knowing, but it goes away.  How would he know he got it?  For all I know, there is no test for HPV in men.  Point is: No Big Deal for mens.

Some strains cause genital warts, but I didn't want to fully put dude's business out in the street.  TOO LATE NOW.

I'm guessing he had them then because otherwise he wouldn't know.

[TTT]

* Caught HPV from cheating GF and told me to stay away from his towels - YIKES

Very rare this actually causes disease in men.  Could carry it without even knowing, but it goes away.  How would he know he got it?  For all I know, there is no test for HPV in men.  Point is: No Big Deal for mens.

Some strains cause genital warts, but I didn't want to fully put dude's business out in the street.  TOO LATE NOW.

I'm guessing he had them then because otherwise he wouldn't know.

Hogan Penis Veins.  Very rare.  The penis actually starts to bulge...the towels rip.  Stay away from the towels.

[TTT]

It starts in stages.  Stage one: you go pee and there's a bandana on your dick.  Just a little bandana starts it all.  That's what I heard.  Thats how he found out it was HPV. 

[SteveBeat]

post about your roommates, morons

[Vince Clortho Keymaster of Gozac]

It starts in stages.  Stage one: you go pee and there's a bandana on your dick.  Just a little bandana starts it all.  That's what I heard.  Thats how he found out it was HPV. 

I thought I had that but then it turned out my dick was actually part of a Rowdy Roddy Piper/Jake "The Snake" Roberts tag team that got kinda tangled up with the Bushwackers.

[TTT]

alright fag blaster.  chiiiil.  

anywaya.  god damn brooooo.

my roomtae in college was named Don Cornelius II.  I can only assume since he was about the right age and a slightly darker complexion than me, and was kind of a rich bitch, maybe he was the host of Soul Trains kid?  I can't tell.  Because I never asked him.  I just pee'd on his shit almost every night when I came home.  He was mad.

My other roomates tried to grow pot and got caught.  Kept a diary of the progress of his plants right next to a room that stinked like pot plants in his closet.  what a moraaaann.  

my other roomates mostly smoked weed and drank beers and played guitars and just generally rocked Hogan Penis Veins.  Is that enough info faggot?