If there was one single from last year that got a good critical dick-sucking, it was The Feelers' debut. Self-released by the band on a few different colors of vinyl, it sold out quickly and was picked up by Contaminated for a repress on faggy pink vinyl, which also went out of print fairly quick. Being from Columbus, they often get the lazy New Bomb Turks comparison, but do a good job of sounding nothing like them. They are as punk rock of a band as there is today, young and filled to the rim with snot, sounding more like a lost Killed by Bloodstains track from 1981 than anything else. Tightly wound and prone to exploding into paranoic fits of frenzy, these five young pieces of chicken-hawk bait are set to ravage your turntable again, right now, with the release of their LP, "Learn to Hate The Feelers", available for purchase now at your local Wal-Mart. Our Florida correspondent, Troy Canady, stalked them down for this quick Q&A session.
The Feelers are:
Dan-vocals(he was at work during the interview)

TB: Hello.
JG: Hey tharrr.
TB: Let me know when yer ready.
JG: This is the closest all of us have ever sat by a computer to not look at porn.
TB:Funny...ok...We're ready...So when did the band start?
Aleks: 2003. No real special answer there...
TB:What are the band's influences?
All: Ok, give us a second for this one...
TB: Sure.
Aleks: Uh, Ramones, Hanoi Rocks, Registrators, Pagans, Kill The Hippies, Johnny Thunders, The Humpers, Stiv Bators solo stuff. Sean would add a lot of Belgian bands if he was here. You know, Raxola, Hubble Bubble, Kids, I can't think of the other one that he'd say.
JG: All of the basics, we like all of crappy punk rock stuff. Early LA stuff is always great. What? Records and Dangerhouse are pretty much guaranteed winners.
All: Stabbing Westward. Har har.
TB:Most reviews of you guys mention KBD, what's yer guys favorite KBD song?
JG: Oh dear god... Give us another second here...
TB: No.
JG: Motherfucker, give us a second.
Joe: "Taking The City By Storm" by the Haskels.
Aleks: "Better Off Dead" by La Peste or "Amerika First" by The Gizmos.
JG: Sean would say "School Jerk" by the Vains probably... he still ain’t showed up...
Mine would be either "Ladies with Appliances" by Dow Jones and the Industrials or "Hardcore" by the Normals. We're gonna record 5 KBD songs for a Killed by Death comp that P.Trash Records is putting out and let that guy choose which one is best. So far, both the Gizmos and Vains songs are gonna be there so... Oh, hold on a sec. Sean just showed up, he's the "STAR" of the band. And the gay one.
Sean: My favorite KBD songs are "Totally Useless" by Psykik Volts and "School Jerk" by the Vains.
TB: Psykik Volts? Who's that?
Sean: They’re a British band on KBD #6. Elle Jay Records or something like that...
TB:Favorite drink?
Sean: I aint no raver. Smirnoff vodka and orange Kool-Aid cuz I'm ghetto.
Joe: Sparks, naturally.
JG: I like whiskey and diet coke cause I’m fat…more cushion for the pushin’, faggy.
Aleks: Jameson… Stoli. All straight.
JG: Unlike him.
TB: Oooh…burn.
JG: Booyah.
TB: When is the LP coming out?
Aleks: Mid February I think. At least that's what Tom at Dead Beat said.
TB: What did you guys record it on?
All: Sean's 8 track, a bitch, cocaine, and a dead hooker.
TB:How did you hook up with Deadbeat anyway, doesn’t he usually put out action rock stuff?
JG: Dead Beat just kept asking for demos and looking back at his catalog, some of it wasn't that bad.
Aleks: I like Stitches and Smogtown, TV Killers, Taxi, Knockout Pills.
JG: Radio Reelers are pretty good. AluminumKnotEye!
TB: Taxi: yay or nay? Personally, I liked them at first but then I listened one day and realized one of the songs sounded like “Foolin” by Def Leppard and “Good Head” by Turbonegro. I fuckin hate Turbonegro and Def Leppard.
All: Yay.
JG: Most aren't into them, but we all love the album. They were really great when they played here.
Joe: If people don't like 'em, cuz they’re "jockish" or whatever, then they really shouldn't like all kinds of things. Like MC5, or Black Flag(at times).
Sean: I like "Foolin' " motherfucker.
JG: Yeah, ya can't knock the "Lep".
TB: You can knock the drummer's fake arm off. What kind of stuff can the "listening public" expect from the LP.
Joe: That's only 1/10 of the arms in that band anyway.
JG: Ours or the “Lep”? Ummmm...
Aleks: Beatles meets Jesus Lizard.
Sean: Slit Wristz and Stuttgart Looking Motherfuckers.
JG: Plodding and way more weed. Expect Interpol for the new album.
Sean: and cowbell.
TB: Who designed the cover for the 1st single, cos it is ass ugly.
Aleks: Broken light bulbs.
JG: I know, I am like a fragile flower. Any time things like this get discussed, I curl up into a ball and listen to the Shins and weep. I heard the Shins on the radio tonight hence the reference. I'm not really in a gay ass cult.
Aleks: its not what's on the cover that matters.
TB: Worst band out right now?
Joe: yikes.
Sean: Whatever Joe likes.
Joe: No, whatever Sean likes.I’d have to say Yellowcard.
Aleks: Audiovent, those fucking homos, what the hell happened to them?
JG: Us, yeah!
TB: How do you all feel about comparison to the New Bomb Turks? I don’t hear any similarity myself, tempo maybe…I don’t like the Turks much anyway… so who cares?
Joe: The only reason people say that is cause it’s easy.
Aleks: Because we're from the same city and because we grew up listening to them. You suck for sayin that about the Turks.
JG: What is tempo anyways? It’s just a fancy word that "The Man" created to undermine urban youth. Yeah, after the first couple of albums...they started to suck.
Aleks: Don’t agree with him, Jon.
TB: What’s “Fuhrer's New Miniskirt” about?
Aleks: Its about Hitler being gay.
TB: I thought it was some kind of anti-Bush song, kinda like an Emperor's New Clothes kinda thing.
JG: You mean "bush" like pussy? Man, we love pussy. Hence the mustaches. Never mind...
Aleks: Its a universal message.
TB: Who are yer favorite bands to play with?
Joe: Krunchies.
Aleks: Krunchies.
Sean: Catholic Boys, Real Losers.
Aleks: Kill The Hippies, The Jeffs, Taxi!!!, Clorox Girls, Lost Sounds. The Lids/Final Solutions show was fun except for the weather and not having anybody there.
JG: The Orphans, but my faves are always the Catholic Boys and Krunchies.
Joe: The Briefs.
TB: What's something you all listen to that no one would expect you too?
Joe: G-Unit.
Aleks: Russian Rock.
Sean: Def Leppard. WASP. Flock Of Seagulls.
JG: Huey Lewis, Pointer Sisters, Cyndi Lauper. Generally embarrassing stuff.
TB: What do you all think about message boards: domain of nerds or a good place to waste time?
Aleks: Both. We're all nerds.
Sean: Good place for nerds to waste time. I'm Alpha Beta Bitch. My IQ's under 20, natch.
JG: I have no life.
TB: Are you guys playing the Blackout this year?
JG: Blackout? No... We ain't been asked cuz we gave everyone in Chicago crabs. Either way its gonna be good. Some of the bands are a bit overrated and blah but whatever. I saw the Gris Gris in Fargo. They were ok live sort of, but come on... We'll all probably be there...
Aleks: The Pagans are gonna rule! So will River City Tanlines. And The Fatals.
TB: Aleks, you are Russian...in 10 words on less, describe the impact of the end of the Soviet Union on geopolitics.
Aleks: Better dead then Sean Redd!
TB: Twat...shaved or no?
Aleks: Trimmed!
Sean: One or the other, nothing in between.
JG: I am totally asexual.
TB: Any touring plans after the LP release?
Aleks: West coast tour in March.
Sean: We're gonna tour Hell, Valhalla, and Belgium... And Hell, Norway.
Aleks: Rock party at the gates of valhalla.
JG: Korean grocery stores only.
TB: If one day you woke up and found out "Hey, I'm gay", how would you tell yer bandmates?
Sean: I would fuck em in the ass in their sleep...
JG: Would drop on my knees and ask if i could suck 'em off...
Aleks: Same...
TB: This should be in Spin next month.
Aleks: ...cool

Feelers Website
Interview by Troy Canady
Pics by Rob Karlic