Eric Lastname's Year in Review

2004: Bought a lot of records. Listened to a lot of singles. Went to SXSW. Showed up at the Blackout. Moved, went broke. Stopped buying a lot of records. Discovered the cure for cancer (promiscuous unprotected sex). Got a job. Started buying records again. Decent year.

Top 10 Albums:
1. Hunches "Hobo Sunrise" (In the Red)
I couldn't possibly kiss this band's ass any more than I already have, but I'll leave it at this: Potential realized. Powerful, ugly, beautiful and great.
2. Black Time "Blackout" (Concrete Life)
Loved this the moment the needle dropped. Sneering loser punk dirges done up right.
3. Reigning Sound "Too Much Guitar" (In the Red)
Loudest RS effort to date, which, in my book, might make it the best. Killer covers.
4. Black Lips "We Did Not Know the Forest Spirit Made the Flowers Grow" (Bomp)
A fucking hoot from start to finish -- crazier than the debut, even eerie at some parts, and still stoopit enough for your next dumb party.
5. AluminumKnotEye "Trunk Lunker" (Trickknee Productions)
Schizophrenic static meets punk meets garage meets my stereo on a regular basis for at least three months.
6. Ponys "Laced with Romance" (In the Red)
Good band, good record.
7. Lids S/T (Rip Off Records)
Lucky for you and me, some people still care enough to make shit that sounds like this -- poppy, punky, trashy. Best Rip Off album in ages.
8. Clorox Girls S/T (Smart Guy Records)
A real grower with some legit hits. Big production that suits the band, and the hooks are monsters.
9. Dipers "How to Plan Successful Parties" (Omnibus Records)
The third tune on here with the "Shake it/Uh!/Shake it/Uh!" chorus remains lodged in my brainpan days after I listen to it. Sludgy pop? A-Frames meets somethingerother? Yeah, sure.
10. Lost Sounds "Future Touch" 12" (In the Red)
Not a full length, but, hey, eat shit. Big and bombastic, the way this band is meant to be heard. Awesome cover of Digital Leather's "Black Flowers," a.k.a. "Some Other Title (I Can't Remember What)."

Top 10 Singles:
1. Tokyo Electron "Make Me Bleed" (Solid Sex Lovie Doll Records)
Recalls the halcyon days of the Reatards. Hateful, evil sounding trash. Love it.
2. Headache City "Knee Jerk Reaction" (Shit Sandwich Records)
Very, very addictive pop fun. If you play the title track for your friends, they will not forget it.
3. Gorilla Angreb S/T (Kick-n-Punch Records)
Doesn't even sound like it was recorded in the last decade. Awesome female-led moody punk from Sweden that could easily pass as a Back To Front rarity.
4. Feelers "Furher's New Miniskirt" (Death by Noise Records)
Crazed and cool. One of the loudest bands I saw last year, too.
5. Damnation Kids "Runaway" (PTrash)
"College Rock" is completely fucking idiotic (as are the lyrics to every song here), but that chorus is a winner.
6. Real Losers "Let's Go Totally Nutzoid!" (Wrench Records)
The title track is a precusor to nights spent face-down 'faced. Whatta band!
7. Tunnel of Love "Time (Don't You Pass Me By)" (Tapes Records)
The brutally great "(I Wanna Be A) Teenage Suicide" makes me wanna cut my own tongue out, but then again, what doesn't?
8. Tyrades "Incarcerated" (Die Slaughterhaus)
"Who's Gonna Pass the PCP?" is a keeper.
9. Fatals "Angry" (Nasty Product)
Crown Prince of the three 45s these Frenchies unloaded.
10. Blank-Its "Johnny's Tongue" (Band Its Records)
Sticky like peanut butter. Sounds like a mid-tempo Spits, or maybe psychedelic pop-punk. Either way, cool 45 from a promising band.

Best Reissue:
Crime "San Francisco's Still Doomed" LP/CD (Swami Records)
SF's first and only blah-blah finally get their legit due. Sloppy train wreck messes collide with bonehead r'n'r leads and somehow, some way, it sounds killer. How retarded are those basslines? Very.

Favorite Show:
The Hunches @ SXSW's In the Red Records Showcase (Beerland)
Fucking amazing. And I don't use the "a" word often.

Best Food:
Pete's Pizza (3737 N. Western Ave. Chicago, IL 60618)
You walk westward on Addison and take a right on Western and go for a few blocks and there it is: Pete's. It's a real treat. The sauce is the secret. Primo sauce. And they load that goddamned pie up with mozz cheese and you'll love it. Seriously.

Best Music DVD:
Wire "On the Box" (Pink Flag)
Inspiring, moody set from '79 as performed on Germany's "Rockpalast" TV program. Band's probably at their most potent form here as they pound out the hits from "Chairs Missing" and "154." Only complaint is that Lewis won't stop yelping into the mike like a dumbfug during inappropriate moments, which nearly kills the momentum.

Favorite Night I Got Drunk (That One Thursday):
It was some night early in December and I says "Doug, I just got a job. Let's go out!" and he says "OK" and we head on over to the Rainbo and he proceeds to buy me drinks and feed me cigarettes all night and we just started walking up to randoms and bullshitting like idjits and Doug starts talking to girls even though he can't even form complete sentences and somehow I start playing sloppy kissyface with this one who I still to this day exchange awkward glances with at the same bar and my friends throw shit at me and yell stuff at me and I got one hour of sleep before going to work the next day and didn't even get to shower. I smelled like a barroom floor and looked like death warmed over. No one at work said anything.

Favorite Extracurricular Activity:
Masturbating (Sex w/ Yourself)
You bet!

Most Insular Myopic Wannabe Rock Crit Horseshit Webzine:
Terminal Boredom (www.terminal-boredom.com)
Pathetic nerdy boys' club fulla assholes who sit on the comp all day and try to prove how cool and intelligent they are by using the written word to justify liking/not liking your band. Sexist, homophobic. Also: Poor writing.

Eric Lastname
2216 W. Addison St.
Chicago, IL 60618
mrlastname - at - yahoo.com