Hey again from the Terminal Boredom art fag department. I’m not a writer, I told you all about it last year…in fact, I don’t even write on the board all that much. I don’t think I’m too eloquent with my writing, so I pretty much keep quiet. But what the hell, it’s that time once again, and sometimes it’s fun to play act…here goes nothing, again…

TOP TEN 7”s…
-Carbonas “Blackout” 7” – Let me start by saying that this is, in my opinion, the best 7 inch record to come out in 2005. I saw these guys for the 2nd time at Corner Bar in Kalamazoo, MI and bought this record on sight. When I got home, it spent literally 2 weeks on my turntable. Months later and I’m still playing it almost once a day (today I listened to the A side 3 times). “Blackout” is the winner. A bouncy little saccharine punk rock gem, every bit as good as anything by greats like the Zeros (who have the song after “Blackout” on a mix tape I recently made of my favorite songs). “Inside Out” sounds like the Clorox Girls if the Clorox Girls were perfect. “Nostalgia Buff” isn’t as good as the other two songs, and it’s still fantastic. I also really like the cover artwork a lot...Best sleeve of 05?
-The Original Three “New Orleans Born” 7” – I saw OG3 and Die Rotzz in Kalamazoo shortly after the Katrina disaster displaced them. They had 2 singles for sale, and I only had cash for one single by each band. So I eeny meeny miney moe-ed this one. “Unplug” plods along at a medium pace and sounds like a long forgotten Killed by Death song. “Been There” is the winner. It plays through my head when I’m drunk. “I put the crack in the Liberty Bell”. It’s got that weird dark vibe. That haunting, tired, and reckless whiskey swagger. The Black Lips have it, so does “Exile On Main Street”.
-The Functional Blackouts “Raw Dawg, Raw Deal” 7” – “Raw Dawg…” is one of my favorite songs the Blackouts play live, so it’s great to finally hear it on a record. It’s loud, raw, and obnoxious, just like the band is live. This record captures them better than anything they’ve put out thus far. “In My Vacuum” sounds like the Blackouts as filtered through the Spits’ Halloween 7”. “Chemical Bath” is what they closed their set with the first time I saw them when they opened for the Weirdos along with the Black Lips. They trashed their equipment and kept playing. The song was longer and weirder than the whole rest of their set and it was awesome. I thought that it was great live, but wouldn’t come across well on a record. I was wrong. Parts of it have a weird, almost Geza X quality. It’s defiantly as damaged and as good as the best Human Eye has to offer.
-Jeffrey Novak One Man Band “Fire In The Hole” 7” – Recorded live with no overdubs, and it’s stuff most bands with multiple members can’t pull off in a studio with overdubs. That shit takes a bucket of talent, and guts to match. I’ve never ever seen a bad one man band, and Jeff Novak is one of the best on that list. “Static Nightmare” is reatarded and makes my ears bleed in a good way. It reminded me of the filling I had to get at the dentist last week, but enjoyable. “Fayette County Blues” is a near perfect blues rocker. “Fire In The Hole” is a 50’s-come-Oblivians exercise in awesome-ness.
-Dutch Masters “Radioactive” 7” – To me, this sounds like a band doing a really good cover of a 70’s song for some reason. Or maybe it’s more like the Testors with a bit of Stooges and some hard rock thrown in. I dunno, and if I think too hard, it hurts my brain. It’s good…Of course it’s good, I’ve gone on record as saying that an Oblivian can do no wrong. “Pleasure" is standard KBD-style fare with an unholy wad of catchyness rammed up it’s ass. “It’s Not Obvious” sounds like the Oblivians in parts, not that’s a crime. Though CCR did sue John Fogerty for sounding like himself. Weird world we live in.
-The Black Lips’ Slovenly 7”s – I dunno anyone who didn’t buy these both together, so I’m counting them as one 7” because I can. I’ve already mentioned these guys in a couple reviews above…needless to say; they are one of my most favorite bands. “In & Out” is the least 60’s song on here, and it’s pretty fucking 60’s sounding. A little more punk than the other 3 songs. “Stuck In My Mind” is my favorite of the 4 songs. It’s straight up 1966-style garbage with some ultra-snotty vocals. Better than pretty much everything they’ve done, and that’s saying a fucking lot! “Does She Want” sounds exactly like their first album (duh, it’s culled from the same recording sessions), and is nothing new…but it’s still great. I like the “aah ah ah-a-ahhh’s” lifted from “Steppin’ Stone”.
-Evolutions/Fatals split 7” – Great trash you’ve come to expect from both of these bands. This and the Hospitals are what I put on when I REALLY wanna clear the room at a party or piss off my girlfriend. I fucking love it.
-The Horribly Wrong “Bleeding For You” 7” – I knew little of these guys when I bought this from my friend, Kurt (Useless Eater for you interweb Goner board folks). “Aiming For You” sounds like 90’s Lookout! Records stuff filtered through the Shattered Records roster. “Do The Move” sounds like early Rip Off Records stuff put through the same filter. “2nd P.A.” is like 12 seconds long, but no less great. The Chorus to “Blood Up To My Waist” oddly similar to “Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time”, or whatever that song’s called. “Living Nightmare” is the longest, least catchy song on the 7”, and it’s short and totally catchy. This band is almost Spits catchy (almost), but sadly, Horribly Wrong is no more. Let’s all tip out 40s in tribute.
-Catholic Boys “Hurt To Hate” 7” – Best Catholic Boys release yet! Best Bancroft release yet! “Temper Tantrum” is the clear winner here. More herky jerky Midwest madness. “Frigid 5” is where the Jay and Alicja production shows up most prominently, to spazzy fun results. I really like the 3d-looking sleeve.
-Reatards “Plastic Surgery” 7” – It’s the fucking Reatards. They’re fucking back and I’m fucking stoked! Fuck! “Plastic Surgery” rules the a side, and is the most akin to older Reatards releases. “PS” and “Just Too Much” seem a little Final Solutions-damaged, but I’m not complaining. “Human Race” is simple and a little Blank-It’s-ish, but it’s better than the Blank-It’s. “Left For Dead” is the king of the bee-side…A raked-out southern trash blast that sounds like it came from the lab-o-Louie. This could so totally be a Kajun SS song.

I didn’t buy a lot of new full lengths in 2005. I mean I bought a lot of LP’s, but not too many 2005 LP’s, ya dig? In June, I found out that my favorite record store (and closest at just an hour drive away) was going out of business…so needless to say, I got an ass-ton of records, but most of it was playing catch up with great old stuff I still didn’t have on vinyl, like the Electric Eels and Thee Headcoats and Shangri Las. Not much new stuff. Music Express, R.I.P. Some new records I did really enjoy in 2005 were “Chinese Crawfish” by King Louie One Man Band, BBQ’s second LP, The Krunchies, Human Eye (though I’d had a bootleg in 2004), A-Lines, Aluminum Knot Eye, and the Hot Pockets.

Demon’s Claws. I didn’t think they were too bad live, but boy does this slab stink!

Blacksnake and BBQ/Black Lips/River City Tanlines at Kraftbrau Brewery in Kalamazoo, MI. What a fucking killer time, I don’t remember much of it. Oh, and the Blackout was pretty good, save for the Fevers and Blank It’s. Human Eye/Terrible Twos/RedRedRed/Tyrades at Holy Shit Fest in Detroit was pretty tits too.

Records I’m most looking forward to...
Last year I mentioned Throbbin’ Urges, and now they got one out with Glorified Trash. It’s fucking fantastic trashy angry punk rock, and I suggest you find a copy. I’d like Metal Teeth and X-Offender, both of Kalamazoo, to make records this year. Hell, I’d like ‘em to make records this week.

Well, there you have it. The opinion on some records you probably already have by a guy you don’t know. Until next year...
~Ben, Resident Art Fag.