Mess Me Up
By Steven Strange
Steve's Japanese coverage has been pre-empted for this month due to his attempting to graduate from school. Hopefully, he'll be over this whole "college" thing and be back with the program next month. Instead, he offers this alternative column entitled:
"Moving Away From the Pulsebeat"
Hi, my name is Steve Strange and welcome to what is sure to be an ill
executed, rambling mumble fuck of a column. You see, unlike all of the
other Terminal Boredom staff (at least to my knowledge), I'm a full time
student, pursuing what is sure to be an economically rewarding degree in
"Japanese Language And Literature" at the University of Minnesota. Since, as
many of you may know, Japanese is a pretty hard language to learn and I'm
taking a whole mess of other equally demanding courses at the moment, my
free time is pretty scarce. Add to that the fact that I'm a perfectionist
who can't stand getting bad grades (despite knowing full well that grades
represent dick in the real world) and you get an overworked, overtaxed,
stressed to the max dude who probably can't write a column for shit in his
current frame of mind. That should be okay though; at least it won't be as
bad as one of Shawn Abnoxious' old columns. Cue cymbal crash.
Now that I've got the disclaimer/apology out of the way, let's get down to
the nitty gritty. Since I really don't have time to think out a coherent,
entertaining idea for a column, I'm gonna sink to one of the lowest, most
self-referential tricks in all of zinedom: the
"response-to-another-columnist's-column-column." Specifically, I'd like to
respond to Eric Lastname's column from last issue concerning the lack of
"danger" in punk rock today. Eric's main gripe was with the lack of
genuinely "dangerous" bands in the modern punk scene, and the abundance of
wannabe bands that follow the pattern for "danger"set forth by pioneers like
Iggy and Stiv with all of the originality and inspiration it takes to draw a
paint by numbers landscape. Some examples he gave of truly dangerous bands
that eschew this slippery slope were the Hunches, Clone Defects and the
Piranhas. Of all of these bands, the only one I can agree with Eric on as
being actually dangerous is the Piranhas. After all, it could be lethal to
operate heavy machinery while playing that snooze fest they put out on In
the Red last year. As far as the Clone Defects go, yeah they were a great
band and all, but dangerous? I don't think so. When I saw them last summer
they didn't seem threatening in the least. They were just a really rockin'
band whose singer happened to act a bit wacky when they played. Timmy's
schtick with the alien mask reminded me of something Rev. Norb might have
done with Boris the Sprinkler had he gotten his hands on something a little
harder than Sweet Tarts before the show. If anything, the other eight
people in attendance just got bored because they played a looooooong ass
time (I was firmly into all of it however). Nobody felt threatened in the
slightest though.
Which brings me to my point: danger as an aesthetic end unto itself is dead.
GG Allin made a career of marketing himself as dangerous (which in the
literal sense of the term he might have been. I know I wouldn't want that
fucker's shit on me!!!) but after a point even that just became convention.
What made Iggy truly dangerous (in the aesthetic sense of the term) was that
he was using his body as a tool to engage the audience in a visceral
experience of the uninhibited Id at the core of rock n roll. Hoisting
benches overhead, chasing audience members around, and rolling around in
glass were all things that had never been done before, and consequently they
made a huge impact upon an audience who had never conceived of a rock n roll
band breaking the unwritten contract between band and audience by actually
threatening them physically. The audience at a punk rock show in 2004 is
light years removed from such an audience. We've all read the accounts of
Iggy's antics from thirty years ago in "Please Kill Me." In addition to this
we've also been taught countless lessons in how to be dangerous from stories
about bands like Black Flag and the Dead Boys. That's not to mention that
most of these stories occurred while the majority of us were either playing
with He-Man action figures or weren't yet even a twinkle in our father's
eye. Face it: no matter how much some may try to convince themselves, all
of the "dangerous" stage antics you can think of were already attempted
twenty years ago. Everything since is just painting by numbers in an
attempt to affect a connection with past glories. It's like trying to dress
the part of a seventies punk rocker nowadays. The form is so
institutionalized that the meaning has changed completely from it's original
intent. If you've got a ton of cash you can maybe buy Iggy's "Raw Power"
jacket off of Long Gone, but once you put it on you're not gonna be
transfigured by the essence of Iggy. Hell, you'll probably just get Stan
Lee's funk on you. Likewise, you can roll around in all the broken bottles
you want and you'll still miss the point entirely (as Eric stated in his
column). All you'll get is a bunch of stitches and a disapproving scowl
when you tell the doctor how you cut yourself.
A few years back I saw a local band whose singer stood in the crowd with
duct tape over his eyes for one song and cavorted around like an epileptic
retard on crank; doubtlessly in an attempt to be "dangerous" and "crazy."
The results were about as pathetic as you'd imagine, with the crowd parting
for this would-be Moses of Mayhem like a punk rock Red Sea. Even he had to
admit it was a pretty silly idea after the fact.
I believe what lies at the root of this desire for danger is a fact that
none of us really wants to say out loud, but eventually has gotta come
bubbling to the surface: namely that in the year 2004 rock n roll, even punk
rock, is about as archaic as Jazz or Polka. Even though tons of people are
still into it, the fact is rock n roll is much too firmly rooted in
convention, and it's appeal is much too limited, to be considered anything
else. The teenagers of today were born years after the late seventies, to
them punk rock is as remote as the hippies of the sixties were to our
generation. Rock n roll's fanbase is generally getting older, and it
doesn't seem like the younger generation is as full of "replacement rockers"
as was the case even ten years ago. Don't take this to mean that I'm pulling
a Spin and calling the death knell for rock; far from it. In fact, I still
believe rock n roll is the most exciting form of music around today, it's
just that I don't kid myself by thinking that it's anything but a series of
musical clich�s that new bands keep managing to breathe life into. For
instance, the lyrical matter of most punk songs is so formulaic it's hardly
worth pointing out. Suffice to say singing about hate, apathy, losing
control, "bad girls," sniffin' glue, and anything you do or don't "wanna" do
are all lyrical conventions that were already canonized twenty five years
ago. These themes have been sung about a thousand times before, yet when
the right band uses them it can still be magic�as the records of bands like
Teengenerate, Rip Offs, Real Losers, and Reds so brilliantly attest to. The
reason we can dig and relate to these band's lyrics is because after years
of listening to punk rock we've developed a fetish for it's lyrical
archetypes. The idea of punk rock as something "dangerous" has been
likewise canonized, which if you think about it negates the original intent
behind the "dangerous" aesthetic, i.e. SHAKING THINGS UP!!! All of the
groups who are so faithfully following the chapter of the punk rock rulebook
that calls for a band to be "dangerous" and "fucked up" are just buying into
the status quo by enacting their established roles as faithfully as a
wannabe-thug rapper, a redneck country singer with his American flag guitar,
or a junkie jazz drummer. It's getting pretty late and I'm fading fast, but
what I'm trying to say here is that all punk rock is about in this day and
age is just HAVING FUN, and that's it. If you're looking for danger man,
you'd have just as much luck checking out a sixty five year old lady doing a
hoarse rendition of "Piano Man" in some smoky lounge, or a bunch of forty
year old dudes from the suburbs playing Lynyrd Skynyrd covers at a VFW, as
you would at a punk rock show. Me? I'll be content just to keep listening
to the Boys when my grandkids think of rock as a relic of a distant past.
Contact:
Steven Strange
1115 Paul Parkway #102
Minneapolis, MN 55434
[email protected]
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